| This was my last weekend as a hired freelance to the production house i service. Over the last week, I was, at long last, officially welcomed into the family as an in-house graphic artist, with a well-deserved monthly salary. God has been faithful and has honored my waiting on this prestigious company...and my not pulling out to settle for less. Now begins the real grind. I begin immediate training for the line of work I will be doing.
The company is growing, and I note with great satisfaction the direction that it is taking. I am so blessed with the knowledge that I am now part of it, with no ifs or buts. God's timing and weaving of events is so accurate. As I look behind me...I see the design taking shape, a pattern forms, but there is still no picture. I still myself in the moment, this moment, the moment of not knowing of the blessings to come and the passing of His promises for me. Why should I cherish the mystery? Because I will look back on this the minute all has been revealed, and I will cry and say I want to experience that surprise all over again.
Today in church, the pastor spoke of "Keeping Our Confidence". Once we know what to do in waiting for the outburst of His glory in our lives, persevering in righteousness within His will becomes the most difficult part. We often lose heart in disappointment. If there is anything that disheartens us the most, it is when people whom we place our faith in fail us. People. Circumstances yes, but mostly the greatest circumstances involve people. This is all of us, not just me.
In the past month, God has shown me that sometimes He removes comfy,worn, favorite elements of our lives whether it be a truly important person, a career, or material possession in order to make us realize our growth in Him has stopped because of whatever that is. When certain aspects of my life seem to put me on stalemate with God's will for me, I can guarantee myself it will only be a matter of time before God will put those things into order for me, painfully if necessary. Sadly, almost always, stalemate is happiness, even bliss...we don't allow ourselves to question our position before it's too late, then God has to whack us...hard. There must be some incentive in order for me to allow God to make room in my life, right? Of course...it's the brand new stuff He has in store. Things He got at His special "mall" that I have not even made room for, He will not show me, so sometimes for our own good, He throws out the old stuff for us, without even asking.
This month, God has revealed a wonderful handful of His blessings after the hurricanes that have been passing through my life. Just a handful, but blessings nonetheless. One is yes, my job, two is a sphere of new friends down south, I never knew such caring people existed, Luigi, Dani, Justin and the rest...thanks, you guys helped by just being yourselves, you have no idea. Sometimes I might seem over appreciative, but if you guys knew everything, you'd know where I'm coming from. Of course you can't know everything hawhaw. Three, healing, I was hospitalized, there were several complications that led to my being hospitalized, but mom said it all rooted in the emotional turmoil i've been going through and my tremendous weight loss...thanks, God. It was only after seeing several people I hadn't seen for a bit that I realized how much battering my health really took, eww, I must look gross...anyway. Four, soon a new home, yes it's actually 90% done, just a few hurdles more.
Inside me, remnants of pain still dwell about the recent past, but slowly, I'm healing. These remnants aren't there coz I want them to remain, they just are. The heart takes its time while the mind makes ways to speed it up. I feel so broken and yet somewhat renewed. The Lord is placing new desires in me for myself, by showing all the new stuff, desires and hopes I never considered coz I was so fixated with the past and how I ran my life. God, did anybody tell You today how great You are? You are the greatest. |
